In the Shadow of Titans: How to Surround Yourself with Inspiring People and NOT Get Imposter Syndrome
As we’ve talked about before, building a network of awesome and inspiring people is a great path to self-improvement. As the saying goes, you are the average of all your friends. If you spend time with lots of high achievers, you’ll naturally take on their approach to life. So you want to do what you can to surround yourself with great people.
There is a but.
Sometimes, when you look around at your friends who are running successful businesses they’ve started, getting cast in dream roles, publishing novels or reaching all of their parenting goals, we can feel inferior.
All of a sudden, we feel like we’ve somehow snuck into a world of people we don’t belong in. We might start to feel like liars for even spending time with these high achievers.
What we’re experiencing is imposter syndrome, a state where we feel like a fraud, like we got somewhere based not on our skills but by misrepresenting what our skills are.
So how do we avoid imposter syndrome?
Be Yourself
Sure, it’s easy to say, “Be yourself!” But weirdly, being yourself isn’t always the easiest thing to do. In fact, when we focus on it, all of a sudden nothing feels natural anymore. So what do I mean when I tell you this?
I mean don’t overcompensate, don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t. Imposter syndrome can tempt us into digging ourselves in a deeper hole, worried everyone around us is going to find out who we really are — so we start acting like someone we aren’t.
The best way around this is to not misrepresent anything. If you are struggling with something, be open about it. When we put everything out in the open (within reason, obviously), we know that the people around us are there because they really know you.
Learn from Others
One of the best ways to beat imposter syndrome is to reframe what you’re facing. If you find yourself surrounded by people who seem more capable or successful than you, don’t pressure yourself to be like them. Instead, use them as teachers.
By reframing it this way, you stop comparing yourself to others, worried if you match up. Instead, you engage with the feeling of admiration and self cultivation.
Be a Helper
Perhaps the single best way to avoid imposter syndrome is to focus on helping other people. Be there for others. Support them when you can.
Imposter syndrome often comes from laser-focusing on how others perceive us. But the world, believe it or not, isn’t about you. And what makes matters worse, the more you focus on yourself, the less happy you’ll be. When we focus on helping others, we take the pressure off ourselves. We stop comparing, and we start caring.
It’s a massive relief when we shift our attention to others. Of course, we can’t be blind to our own needs, but we can place our needs in a new context. You’ll find that when you start trying to help others, you have more energy and feel less worried. And it no longer makes sense to ask whether you deserve to be where you are, because now you are here to give, not take.
